1 Year Later

So...if it wasn't for me having to work the past couple days, I would have written this two days ago. Sept. 1st was exactly one year from the time that we had an amazing group of friends help us load up and send us off on the next leg in the adventure that we call life. From North Myrtle Beach to Arkansas we went, passing through every states Capital on the way and a year later I get to reflect. At this point last year, I was probably sitting at our friend Brent's place trying to figure out what was next. Sara spent nearly a month working nearly 60 hrs a week until I got the job over at the Buckle. Since that time I've moved on from an great job there, to an equally great, but completely different job over at Arvest Bank in Siloam Springs, which is now where we are living. We have a nearly 3 month old little boy that's pretty much the coolest little guy I've ever met...NO...SERIOUSLY!!! I'm in my third week of classes at John Brown University pursuing a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and Community Counseling, I'm loving every minute of it, and I'd take more than two classes a semester if I could balance it all at the moment without driving Sara Crazy! Going back to school has been a shock but also a joy. It's been 3 years since I sat in a classroom, and working the After School Program at Coddington Elementary in Wilmington doesn't count! I realized that I'm going into these classes with a much different attitude than I did when I was finishing up my Undergrad at the UofA. Then, I was just ready to get it done and over-with, now I can't wait for my next class. I look forward to the reading, and the only drawback is that I'm having to balance so many things that I can't truly focus on what I'm passionate about with everything I am. Oh by the way, I'm also assisting in leading worship at our church...another time block that I HAVE to focus on somewhere! Did I mention I have a wife and a son...whew...sometimes I feel like I'm on a tight rope, and I'm only allowed to stand on my little toe, now THATS balance. But honestly, its not that bad. I love where we are, its just been hard trying to figure out how to live here again with the experiences we've had over the past 3 yrs now. Life is completely different in NWA than it was in the ILM! We miss Wilmington, NMB, and the amazing people that we were blessed to share that short time of our lives with, and I don't think our investment into the east coast is done, just have no idea how, when or what God has planned for us. But I can tell you this, we are in NWA for a guaranteed 3 more years, WHY, because that's how long its going to take me to finish school. Now a lot can change in 3 years, just look at our past 3...and I'll leave that up to you to go back and read past posts...it'd take me another year just to put all the pieces together so that you could get a clear understanding of what God has allowed us to experience since we got married! So, as we look forward to what God is doing here, and how different, frustrating, rewarding, challenging and confusing it is, I wanted to look back and tell everyone that we've met in the past 3 years that we love you all! Our hearts are with you in Wilmington, our hearts are with you in NMB, and now are hearts are invested into NWA, but don't think that we have forgotten what you all did for us! With a FULL heart, we pray for you all. God bless those that have blessed us in the past 3 years. Let your power be seen by others as we have seen it, and never stop using these friends we consider family to do the things that you have called them to! God, I pray for strength to be stretched, wisdom to lead, and understanding so that they can guide the people that you have put them in leadership over so that they can guide them to you and your love. We love you all and look forward to the next opportunity we have to visit...which looks like sometime THIS SPRING!!! Can't wait to see what God is up to and to share the same!

DEBT BEAT DOWN

Alrighty, the DEBT BEAT DOWN is back, and its taken a few hits over the past year in our favor!!! Its been since January of 2010 that I've revisited this sector of our lives, and I'm telling you without holding back that its difficult! The "emergency fund" is still in the making if that gives you any idea of how life can throw some interesting blows at you. We have been able to take a significant chunk out of the debt, and obviously, school loans are still the front runner in our financial hole that we have been digging out of, and when I say hole, its not that its bad, its just what we've had to do to make life work!

So, to get to the dirt in our finances, here we go! Since our last update, we've actually been able to cut nearly all of our debt down to school loans...which is unreal! Its still the heaviest financial burden we carry, but we have been able to pay off 3 medical bills, in the next month or so we will probably be able to pay off Sara's car, and my car, well, its somewhere on the East Coast I assume being enjoyed by someone other than me! I purchased a "PROJECT" and we'll leave it at that! So, out of the 7 bills that we had at the start, we have consolidated all of my school loans into one loan...(look into it if you have major school loan debt, it can save you HUGE, call me)...and outside of that, we have the credit card still but its being used as an emergency fund for the time being and we are using it to pay bills, in turn saving money on our insurance(another cool thing to look into). So by the end of August, our debt will be down to less than 17,000 which is almost half of what we started with on this journey just under 2 years ago!

We are now back in Arkansas, we've moved 3 times, live in the wonderful town of Siloam Springs, AR, and I'm going back to school at JBU for my Grad. in Counseling this fall....YEA...MORE SCHOOL LOANS(this has been looked into very deeply, trust me)!!! Oh by the way, did I mention we have an Emery now? Our little boy is going to get to reap the benefits of our struggles to get out of debt over the past couple years! By the way, HE'S AWESOME!!!

Post any comments you may have or questions, we have resources, experiences, frustrations, etc... we are willing to share if you need help or are just needing a sounding board to see what you need to do about your finances!!!

Baby Doll vs. Action Figure

Something happened the other day that I really can't go any longer without sharing. I really have two reasons for sharing...1 is that most will find this either amusing or ridiculous, and 2 some will find this interesting and may lead to changing the way you look at your child. Now in Sara's defense, she was completely innocent in all of this, I was the one that saw the issue and most mothers will think its crazy, but as a DUDE I can tell you that this was a reaction that I had for the sake of my son, and it is one that I will continue to have until he can stand for himself!!!

We were hanging out in the Garden doing some yard work and Sara was holding Emery (our Son) while she was picking weeds or something when I hear him start to get a bit fussy. She then begins to try and sooth him and this is what she says; "Its ok my baby doll." Now, let me explain that most guys will tell you that they never want to be called a baby doll! But considering my son is only 3 weeks old most women would consider this to be a sweet conversation between her and her son, but to me, it was a shot at his manhood and as a Father I had to step in. My response was this; "If you're going to call him something like that you better call him an action figure!" I know, its a bit ridiculous, but I'm telling you that came out of me without even thinking!!! My heart jumped out of my chest when I heard it and although it sounds crazy, the "masculine soul" within me screamed for Emery. If you want to read something that is absolutely amazing in context to what I'm talking about, check out the books Wild at Heart, and Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge. They take you through the heart of a man and the masculine journey of a boy to manhood. If you have a daughter, I'd suggest his book Captivating!

The heart I have for my son is connected deeply to the heart that Sara has for Emery as well, but our natural reactions and the ways we see him in our hearts can be extremely different. This was just the moment when her view of him as her preciously little boy(Baby Doll) and my view of him as my strong little man(Action Figure) came to odds. We laugh about it constantly, but I will tell you that we will make a point of making sure that Emery grows up knowing that he is strong, he's a boy who will some day become a man, and will give him every opportunity and encouragement in his masculine journey!

Really?

Well, from the title you can see that I'm starting this off with confusion, but trust me, I'm not confused...but you may be after you read this! So...let me begin without going on any rants.

I'll start by posing the question of; "What do you do when you are moving up in management, you're being told that you may be able to basically have your own business within the next several months, you're being trained by some of the most successful leaders in the company, they love you and you're pretty good at what you do, PLUS you just had your first son?" Well, in my case you walk away from it all graciously...and I can't emphasis GRACIOUSLY enough! Right around 9 months ago I was offered a job that I really didn't know what I was getting into. Since that time, I've been promoted, developed, trained, and basically guaranteed that if I stuck with it for the next couple years, I'd be making more money in retail than I ever thought possible, and that's no exaggeration...I can show you the details if you want! It's crazy, right? Who does that...well, I was called to. God opened up the opportunity for me to go back to school this upcoming fall and since making that decision, my heart has completely been occupied with what God is trying to do through me rather than what this world has to offer me.

When I sat down with my boss to discuss things, through no lack of trying on his part, I still had to walk away. I have more respect for the Buckle and the people that work there and run that company than you can imagine. As I told him, I will forever be a recruiter for that company! God has something big in store for Sara and I...and now Emery, can't forget him, and I can't really explain it very well right now, but I do know that in the next couple years it will involve getting my Grad degree in counseling, working/living in Siloam Springs, and investing our time in the people around us and in the church! God's got some sort of vision stirring in my heart and its just now starting to take some sort of form, but when, where, how, who with...I'm assuming will all be revealed to me here in the immediate future! So, as I step out of one job this weekend and into another, anticipating the start of school this fall and working on being the best Husband/Father I can be, please be in prayer for us, and I don't mean in prayer so that we will be well, successful, happy...the prayer I'm requesting is one that is quite simple. My prayer is asking God to direct me...and for ME TO LISTEN...so that I can:
1. Lead my wife
2. Lead my son
3. Discern God's plan for our family and the vision He has for our ministry

So, that seems pretty "cookie-cutter," but honestly I'm seeking vision right now...which all plays into my reasoning for leaving a job that in a worldly perspective is perfect, going back to school, and investing in my family more! Love you all who read this and we pray daily for you to seek God in your life to the fullest! We're not supposed to be ashamed of the gospel, so lets live it!

I'm a Dad! Here we go...

Well, if you live under a rock and don't have any connection to the outside world then you are just finding out that Sara and I just had our 1st little boy, Emery Luke Ross, on June 11th, 2011. He weighed in at a whopping 7 lbs 15 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. I do have to say that if you were to stretch his feet out he'd probably be more like 23-24 inches long, the boy has ski's with monkey toes!!! Definitely gets that from me! Check out my or Sara's FB for some pics.

I can't honestly express the range of emotions that have been running through Sara and I over the past week. The feeling of holding my son for the first time was unexplainable...maybe even the entire experience, so I'll save you the babbling attempt at trying! I can say that as a father, husband, and as a guy in general, I've never felt as weak as I have the past several days. I hold Sara and now Emery and I feel like I could life the house if I had to, but when they are in pain and you can't do anything to help, it will eat at you from the inside out. I would have done anything, but there is nothing I can do...other than PRAY...so that's what I did. I didn't want God to fix it, I wanted God to use it, to strengthen us, to be an example to others. I prayed that Sara and Emery would know that I am there no matter what, that I'm not going anywhere and that as soon as there is something that I can do to help, guess who is going to step up, step in, and come to the rescue...ME!!! I want them to have a faith in me as strong as my faith in God, and that their faith in God would far surpass their faith in me...if only I can be an example, and be there for them when they need me, then I'm exactly where God wants me to be!!!

I will tell you that I haven't felt more grateful and more in love with my wife ever. The number one priority for us right now is keeping God the focus of our relationship, and then jointly focusing on taking care of Emery. We have been blessed in more ways than you can imagine...everything from friends bringing us meals, to family taking care of him so that we can focus on us with coffee dates and not to mention an anniversary lunch yesterday! I love my wife with everything I have, and though I may fail some, I will do everything in my power to be a Christ follower 1st, a husband 2nd, and a father 3rd. Those are my priorities and they are NOT changing, everything else in life will just have to fit around those three!

Sara and I have spent a lot of time here lately talking to one another about whats next. For one, I'm planning on going back to school this fall to get my Masters in Counseling-Marriage and Family Therapy. Second, we've decided to take another step forward with our faith in our finances...can I say upping the bar! We feel like God is preparing us for something, but not really sure what that may be, but outside of just having Emery, our life is about to get even more interesting here in the next year. Who in their right mind goes back to school, lives off of one income, and has a newborn all in the same year??? ME...and I'm telling you that God is in control and I know that is where we are supposed to be.

The overwhelming responsibility that I've been given makes me sit back and really question what God has for us here soon. To think I'm having a child and say its all good compared a month ago to holding him, or holding Sara who is holding Emery and seeing it, feeling it first hand, praying for them together as we go to bed, is almost enough weight to feel like you can't move. All in all, I'm confident in knowing that God is the one setting all of this in motion, His plans for us are perfect, and there will be nothing greater than our life together following hard after Him. We're most likely going to be in Siloam Springs for the next several years and I have no clue what that may hold other than getting my Masters, but I do know that things are about to get interesting up in this place, and if you want in, call me, throw me a message, or just come by because I'd love to get a better idea of who is all in for seeing God do amazing things in and around Siloam. We're looking for a community of people to live life with...and we're not about to try and have the community on our own...one son is about all we can handle right now and I don't know if Sara would be up for that any time soon!!! I don't know what comes of this, but God does, and its about time for me to step out and start trying to figure this out a bit more! Love you guys...and THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for the words of encouragement, messages, food, etc...that you have been blessing us with. We can't say it enough!

This may sting a little for some but its about to Drive me NUTS!!!

Can I get a show of hands of the people that were taught how to "lead people to christ" based on a folded piece of paper that ended up being a cross after unfolding it that is known as a Tract. If you can't see, my hand is raised...but honestly, I've never been a big fan of it from the get go but it does give you somewhere to start I guess. Now please, for those of you that feel like I just slammed my foot down on your toes, give me a second to explain. I do agree that at one point things like that worked for some but to be taught how to "share your faith" based on that was pretty surface level and I've always tried to be a little bit deeper of a thinker than most around me, not to mention analytical about everything!!! And no, I'm not being arrogant because it gets me in trouble a lot because I OVER THINK things and tent to shove my foot down my throat because of it! So here goes what spurred this thought.

I had an experience in the past couple of weeks that has really frustrated me and literally broken my heart and pissed me off all at the same time. For a desired lack of detail, a friend I've been talking with lately shared their beliefs on life and their lack of a belief in God...and trust me, he could probably argue his points with the best of them, but most of his points were based off of the attempts of Christians to "Convert him" as he put it! These attempts were at best the semi-educated attempt of sharing ones faith based on their lack of understanding and "Tract" style of information they had memorized in bible school back when they were in Discipleship Training. To make it simple, he had never been approached through an actual relationship and from an intellectual standpoint. He was given our surface level attempt at salvation which involved an introduction of who they were(no relationship), a statement of what they believed, and then a choice: condemnation or salvation! For an individual that has been through a lot in their life and has made it pretty much on their own in this world, they need a little more of a showing of who God is and what He is about than a "Tract."

Now when I say I'm a little pissed, its not at the fact that people were sharing their faith, but that one, as leaders, their was a failure somewhere to communicate the true passion and life of Christ, and two, we as Christians think that we can save someone on our own based on knowledge that we were given and we've never been pushed to truly understand what and why we believe what we believe (And again, when I say Pissed off, I really mean -has made me Extremely Passionate about, so please don't pick at my choice in words, my wife is the english major, not me!!!). I'm not angry with individuals, I'm not frustrated with God, I'm upset about the fact that we failed at some point to give true understanding to the people that we are leading and discipling as Christ followers. To tell someone that they are going to hell if they don't believe what you believe is extremely simple and not very educated, but it is the truth that we've watered down to make it a bit-sized chunk for people to chew on, but what happens when you are hit back with an intelligent question or comment that is based on experience? There was no fold on that cross that came open that told you how to respond to someone that has been through some struggles in life and as Leader I BEG YOU to evaluate if you are teaching those under you to be able to go off of the Tract and be real with someone. Because trust me, it really throws you for a loop when someone gets off the Tract before you even start unfolding the thing! We have ZERO ability to save someone on our own and I truly believe that it is only through a relationship that you will be able to reach others, not a Tract...I'm not trying to SAVE my friend, I'm trying to be Christ to my friend so he can see what being a "Christian" means so that God can get a hold of him. I'll let scripture speak for itself:

Titus 3:3 Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled by others and became slaves to many wicked desires and evil pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy. We hated others, and they hated us. 4 But then God our Savior showed us HIS kindness and love. 5 HE saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of HIS mercy. HE washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit. 6 HE generously poured out the Spirit upon us because of what Jesus Christ our Savior did. 7 HE declared us not guilty because of his great kindness. And now we know that we will inherit eternal life.

GOD saves, it says HE over and over, not me, not you, not our pastor, but HE!!! We are called to be Christ to the world, not condemn the world, because that is God's power and his power alone! Psalm 75:7, James 4:12

I'm sorry if this comes across harsh, but seriously, there are people that would go to Hell right now if things were to end today and all they've ever been given is the watered down, bible school version of God in a "Tract!!!" Can we be real, can we be authentic, can we please be effective, and God, PLEASE let us be as close to you as possible so that people don't need a watered down version but they desire to know the WHOLE story of who you are!!!

Attitude and moving forward!

So...since the last time I was on here we've had over 2 feet of snow, only had one issue with my truck during that time in the casualty of one of my tires being claimed by the cold weather, and now the O button on my keyboard has fallen off...so needless to say, I'm about to start typing without O's and just let you all fill in the blanks. I also thought it may be fun to throw in some random "letter of the day" instead but realized with certain word/letter combos that that could become either very interesting or very offensive although probably more on the funny side.

To be very blunt and honest, this has been one of the most interesting/difficult times of Sara and I's lives in general! Our schedules are not ideal, we've had some moving of finances and losses of jobs, with Sara being pregnant with our first...EMERY LUKE...emotions have been EVERYWHERE, and just general calling in life has been difficult to say the least but for most you'd think we've got it made.

I've realized in the last week or so that my attitude straight up SUCKS some times and my wife gets to hear the most of it, so publicly, I'm sorry about that Sara! I was reading Philippians today during lunch and when I got to ch 2 I think God hit me with about the biggest dose of reality he possibly could. It talks about how your attitude should be that of Christ and then I blindly slammed into the wall in verse 14-16

14) In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, 15) so that no one can speak a word of blame against you. You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark world full of crooked and perverse people. Let your lives shine brightly before them. 16) Hold tightly to the word of life, so that when Christ returns, I will be proud that I did not lose the race and that my work was not useless.

I've been complaining about life, work, people, you name it...not because life sucks that bad, but because I've had a bit of pride festering in my heart because I think...God, after all that we've been through, why aren't you making this easier on us, why aren't you opening new doors, why am I not in full time ministry, what's the next step? And this is where my pride has taken hold and I just this week realized that the little hold that Satan had in my heart was going to make things a whole HECK of a lot worse if I didn't get things right. This is how our situation truly stands, I've got an amazing wife that is about to have my first little boy in whom I WILL NOT disappoint as a father and husband, I've got a job that is giving me the opportunity to move up and quickly might I add, I've got an amazing church that has come around us to support us and also given me an opportunity there to lead the people in our campus to a place of worship during our services that sets the tone in their hearts to receive the message that our Lead Pastor Shannon O'dell has FROM GOD(and I believe that with all my heart). We are moving up to Siloam Springs, but we are committed to the people of BNC (Brand New Church) at the NWA campus and I encourage you to come check it out and get plugged in if you are not already a part of a local body of God's church somewhere. I've decided that no matter where I'm at, God has me there for a reason, not because he's not being fair, but because he is using that to either teach me something or use me to reach others and I need to pursue my circumstances with the Passion and Attitude of that of Christ.

Now what does this look like? NO CLUE honestly, but hopefully if you follow me around from here on, you'll be able to see and I'll right a book on it later! But in all honesty, my attitude has been horrible recently and my prayer is that of Philippians 1:20

For I live in eager expectation and hope that I will never do anything that causes me shame, but that I will always be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past, and that my life will always honor Christ, whether I live or I die.

And so I hope that I haven't drawn or pushed anyone away from the call and love of Christ. Me leading worship has brought me to a new place in my spiritual life, and if you need me to pray for you in any way please let me know...I'm taking it personal to pray for everyone that comes to mind!